If you have sex and nobody posts a video of it online, did it really happen?

Dan Rather: So is it true that you believe that it's wrong to kill a fetus but it's completely acceptable to starve a child to death once they're born.

Jesus: That's correct.

Dan Rather: Don't you find that to be hypocritical?

Jesus: No, not at all. And you agreed to not bring up hypocritical and contradictory statements in the faith I inspire. You're gonna hear from my lawyers.

Dan Rather: So then you agree that...

Jesus: Dude...what the fuck? What is your problem man?

********

"Poor Shane," she said to me.

"Poor Shane who?" I asked.

"Him...the sheepboy," she said.

Oh...him. Across the cafe I saw this poor hoofed teenager standing in line looking literally sheepish. I always thought he seemed to both hate and love the attention he got.

"You know why he's like that don't you?" she asked.

"Maybe," I replied. She loved to tell this story. Like it proves a personal point for her.

"He had this incurable disease but like, they found a cure for it. They had to use stem cells but since using human stem cells was illegal they had to use the stem cells of a sheep. And now he's all like that. It's all the conservatives fault."

If I had sheep DNA I wonder if she'd fuck me. All I have is acne scars.

"I remember what my life was like before I increased my bandwidth," she said as she fingered her pussy. "And it was boring."

"When I was a kid I used to listen to music while I read but that wasn't enough for me. Then I would watch TV and read at the same time. TV on it's own just wasn't engaging enough. I needed to multiprocess."

"Then the internet came along but it was slow. I would watch tv, read a book, and surf the web while listening to music. I still felt stifled."

"When broadband came out I didn't have the money for it so when the guy came to hook it up I offered him a blowjob if he's give me free access. It wasn't enough. I offered my pussy but still it wasn't enough. Then I told him he could fuck my ass and that finally got him. He was a fat Mexican guy who had a little dick which made it easier to take. He left and I had my free broadband for a year and a half before they figured it out and shut it off."

"Now I sit here with three computers so I can surf multiple sites. I still keep a couple tvs on and listen to the radio. Frank down there ain't much to look at but he doesn't mind eating my pussy for hours while I surf here in bed. He likes to think of himself as my 'slave' but to me he's another source of stimuli."

"I can't wait until they can just plug all this into my brain. Fiber optic. Twenty five gigabits of bandwidth. God I hope it will be enough."

Frank paused for a moment to take a drink of water. He then proceeded to continue his job as a peripheral.

Tulpa. The tulpa screams. Cyborgasm. An explosion in the datasphere. A radical change and everyone thinks different now. I don't remember agreeing to this consensus.

Wire Mother, I am hungry. And alone. When you hold me I'm colder still. Why does it hurt when you touch me?

I want to upgrade my meat. The software is brilliant but the wetware needs an upgrade. It runs too slow and crashes too often. Must be a hardware bug. Should upgrade the operating system. One part quiet space. One part psychedelic. Two parts meditation. That's my recipe.

I'm a good cook. A great cook. I should have been a chef. Ask anyone I've cooked for.

Tonight I don't cook anything interesting. Chicken linguine in a vodka sauce. Nothing special. I was preoccupied.

I'm such a good cook that I make the pope cry. He was over the other night and I made him my pasta with the dried fruit and marsala cream sauce. He burst into tears. He told me it was the best pasta he'd ever had and he blessed it on the spot.

"Your Holiness," I said. "Isn't that a bit much? You shouldn't be crying over pasta. If people knew about this...you should be crying over starving children or something..."

"Starving children are everywhere," he said. "There is nothing unique about starving children. Your cooking, on the other hand, is heaven sent!"^*

The pope and I move on to other conversation. He tells me that personally he's not against homosexuality in the slightest but as the pope he has to tow the party line.

"Any man who doesn't give his dick a squeeze when he sees Brad Pitt naked in Fight Club just ain't human."^*

Unfortunately I steered the conversation from starving children toward abortion rights and birth control causing us to fight. The pope may be secretly okay with homosexuality but he's not okay with women controlling their bodies.

We ate dessert in silence.

* Translated from Latin.

I have gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend Brandon. After breaking up with Lila I was kind of looking for my next relationship to be with a gb(genetic boy). Lila embodies some of the best and worst traits of pre-21st century women which I find both aggravating and extremely sexy so I wanted to get as far away from that combination as possible.

Brandon is a post-operative biological-cybernetic transsexual male. Well, technically not a male because his sex change involved changing from a female to an extremely masculine hermaphrodite. His appearance is very much that of a male and if he were standing in front of you in a jockstrap (which is a magnificent sight to see) you would have no indication that he was ever a female. But remove the jockstrap in question and you would see his custom designed cybernetic penis (no off the shelf model for this boy!) and natural appearing scrotum using only the very latest in RealSkin® technology (each testicle is actually a housing for a bacterial farm which creates synthetic male pheromones) but if you were to lift the scrotum you would find a fully functional vagina.

Brandon is definitely the sexual aggressor in our relationship and he prefers to be a top but I wasn't really in the mood. I'm not sure what it was exactly but Lila's control issues really set off mine and I was in no mood to be dominated sexually or otherwise. I've told him that he can be on top but I've made him disconnect him penis. Brandon likes his penis a lot and I wouldn't be surprised that when he got an upgrade he just kept the this one and had a socket added for the new one! It's not like I was in the mood to have vaginal penetrative sex, I just wasn't in the mood for his sexual power games (though at the the right time they are extremely hot) and I knew if I let him wear his penis during sex he would just want to use it and get into one of his head trips so I decided to nip that one in the bud.

I do not care enough to listen to what you are saying. I do not care enough to listen to what I am saying. Lots of neon in Tokyo. Lots of people talking but no one is listening. Like America except more crowded, more polite, and more neon. Tokyo glows like no other city.